This is a blog of a boy who prioritizes education in his life...
I really want to score all papers this semester. Despite of so many obstacles, sometimes I realize I should cherish this very moment as it is only less than half year left to graduation. I do not want to be regret for not striving my very best because the one that is fixed will be my transcript. Remain unalterable. Not fb(cliche), not my pimples, not even the karaoke microphone(hehe). Of course I want my transcript to have more than 90% As! At the time being, I need to be realistic that my first page of transcript will be effing horrible! C grade somehow irritates my eyes what more to say my heart honayy. The next page? disco superfly! weee.. inshaAllah. So, I want to cherish this moment by studying, memorizing and eating (aik?)...escapism.. hehe bye.
a few of my friends started complaining my weight gain... some said i look like gummy bears.. when i walk, my bulging fat seems dancing with me...so, yesterday i went jogging.. half and hours only.. today i did not..... my muscles need rest... but my stomach was screaming for chocolate.. plus, i feel that eating is the only medium for me to enjoy life..i succumbed to temptations and bought 2 bars of chocolate. enuff said.
*is currently snacking cadbury picnic..
**i will try to eat in moderation next time.. yes until i see foods like shit.. not before i see you like cheeseburger..
I have an unpleasant feeling now.. feelings of insecurity, anger.oh sucks.. yes i know that writing such post shows how lame am I.. it is not a manly thing to show weaknesses to the public but as a normal human being i do have feeling to take care of. i have this one weakness that i really don't like and i personally think that this kind of weakness is not necessary to me. i'm very fragile when it comes to a relationship. i might look friendly,but to be closed to me, to get to know my personal life is not that easy. Ok fullstop. that is not the core of the issue. the issue now is i have a behavior of getting freak out when i see my friends compromising with someone that i don't like. even if it only involves a small matter like borrowing eraser, ill be freaking out so badly.. what more if they talk posting comments on fb lepak in mamak!.. there you go, i'll create dramas and this world will be effing chaos...ahh.. sounds lame right?? and just now, the same situation happened. by the way, this time i stayed calm and in control. but my heart was like beating so rapidly i couldnt tolerate then i asked my friend "if you were me, will you show your jealousy to your another friend yada3..." and he simply replied "tak. aku x amik pusing pun.pergi mampos la".. oh, that easy huh? then i texted my female friend asking the same question and she replied almost the same! she said it is not worth me and my family at all so why should i care? betul jugak... my degree of freakness was slowly plummeting then... oh good.. good to have a friend who has a lil bit sense of denial... palak simple org s'wak madah... and now i'm posting this blog. rasa2 korunk I dah get rid of it ka belom? -.-
so it's literally been a tiring question to answer as i would reply with a very long explanation. I ain't no ordinary person with extraordinary target. For instance, If someone would answer.
A. Kerja. Most of ppl tend to aim for high-paid job, high class position with high level of standard of living. That would include high profile lifestyle. Luxurious cars, house, no more kopi cap kapal api.. teh wangi seringgit 2.. they are right.. no wrong.. as it is all about choices..
For me, personally, i rather opt for a more reserved life after this. I just can't wait to go to work, earn a lil money for a start, save then enjoy as long as it does not exceed my capabilities... I missed my home... I want to get back living in my home of which i think more relaxing.. that is so me.. doing what ive been dreaming before this like going to music class, working out without worrying with piles of assignments on my small table. I believe... i really believe that this would be my last chance to appreciate scenario like that because as i turn 30s, no more such things as my mentality should be more matured.. plus, my parents get older. they have been raising me up for 24 years without any failure so what should i give in return? this is the time to give back.. One day they will go, and i don't want to be regret for not able to give back in return. After they go, thennn i'd consider what i should do next my way... i still have a long way to go (inshaAllah).. so for the time being, let me fulfill what they want, what they love. I don't agree the idea that the parents have been sacrificing a lot for their children, succeed in developing their children as a success 'somebody'... but towards the end, their so-called success children simply work far away neglecting their(parents) welfare. That's not a FAIR investment!.. parents brought us up to be a successful person, mentally and EMOTIONALLY, so that we could give something in return.. That 'something in return' could be strong personality and intelligence of which "being grateful, give and take" quality counted in!
Yes i do have big dreams like working in high class company like Sime Darby, pursuing my master at Imperial College yada3... but i really need to hold that for a while to give way for matters mentioned earlier... We people could die anytime, if I die young, I rather die not doing something I love but being blessed by my parents than die doing I love w/o being blessed by my parents. Most ppl believe life afta death, soO, why not we aim for higher target that is eternal? remember, God will not bless us until our parents bless us first..
Look, a long explanation right. You might wonder, what is the purpose of me saying all this stuff. The long explanation is the answer for the following possible questions;
"Why do you choose to work in Kuching?"
"Why do you choose to live in suburb?"
"Why do you choose to work first as the opportunity to pursue your master is wide open?"
This morning I woke with a mixed feeling. I hardly found out what I should do next due to very the over-enjoy month!.. there a lot of things to do.. perhaps now I should put it in pause mode and start go back to have more discipline routine.. like what a student usually should behave.. what i usually do last sem... erm.. i even like that instead rather than like what i have been through for the past 1 month.. so i am gonna do that today..
wake up as early as 6.00 a.m -> subuh -> ngaji -> do the bed -> mandi while listening to itunes -> vocalised (vocal warm up to be exact! sustain the C2 key to C4 -> pergi kelas!
concentrate to lecture (even if it is inverse proportionate to the degree of boredom)
dudok minum2 with my supercool friends
lecture lecture lecture
petang: joging for an hour
maghrib and ngaji and isya
do assignments, more and more assignments..
tido as early as 12 so that i could get 6 hours of perfect rest!..
awh, i never take it as boring life though i even like it.. it could be lame but the sweetness you could only taste when the mid term break comes.. long rest long happiness and good grades! (:(:(:
Let's straight to the point. Last thursday I went to Anuar Zain.. Semua Untukmu show at Plaza Alam Sentral 2. OMG OMG OMG.. I was acting like a total fanatic, lunatic vertical stick (eik?).. semualah!... My eyes were fixated over him, not blinked even once (to be more dramatic).. I would say my passion and love towards singing are the reasons i love him so much. He is one of my singing reference apart from Broery Marantika, Harvey Malaiholo, Mariah and Celine a lil bit, Regine Velasquez, Josh Groban, Charice Pampengko and not to forget Sammy from Kerispatih. Those singers, i mean stars will never fail to drive me crazy. Long story short, I believe pictures speak more than words, so there you go..
this is a recording show for raya and will be aired during third raya at 6.00 pm.
(WARNING: let say you encountered the camera is zooming towards my weird antics, buat2 tak tahu jer yer)
I love his new rendition of lelaki ini, ketulusan hati and semua untukmu.. so tgk la...
ok then today, saturday i have had VOCAL WORKSHOP.
Ya Allah!!!! singing is not AS EASY AS YOU THOUGHT!!!!
according to the coach, my type of voice is baritone.
that type is normal for male and it lies in between bass and tenor.
and thank God i am not tone deaf!
i could improve my pitching problem..hahaha
and I cannot do bubbling.. +_+
so my vocal warm up would only be Buzzing.. zzzZZzzzzZZZZ
the hardest part is lagu asli!!!
i was asked to choose one asli song, so i chose Tan Sri SM Salim's Pantun Budi.
the coach pressed my stomach hard in order to hit the rigt note.
to get proper placement and when you sing you must have focal point..oh wudheck..
i got headache as soon as i finish the workshop..
in conclusion, i only opt for contemporary singing..huh..
Today is monday.. so genap la 3 minggu di shah alam... semua benda nak dirancang masa cuti nampaknya belum terlaksana... gosh.. boleh sik, dari ari aku datang, ngerayooooo jak2.. byk jak keja... walaupun septtnya sekda kerja, tp ada jak kerja...
setakat tok dah 3 kali nangga wayang! eclipse(mmm), mantra (ok la juak) back up plan (tok best!!)
a few gik yang mok ditangga that includes inception & nak zac efron berlakon madah "we're always be brothers"..
karaoke.. X TERKIRA!!!!!... amoi redbox sunway ngn sogo ya dah kenallll dah muka kuuu!!! and aku dah berapa kali dapat free head charge vaucher! tok ada gik sigek (nang nak nyuruh aku pergi agik la ya)..
makan makan dan makan.. perkara wajib kott.. (edeh).. dah la makan nak eksotik2 jak.. durian! sup gearbox! cakes cakes cakes (eksotik ka?) and aku addicted ngn choc tarlet! mala singgah petrona meli choc tartlet.. org kpg sitok molah.. nyaman oii...
diet regime aku? sikboh ditanyak!!!!!... bok ritok aku nak start sik makan nasik gik (-_-)
aku pelik pahal rami org madah.. oh tomo kurusss... oh amir dah kurus laaa... kinek tok mun aku last masok lift, lift ya sik berbunyi gik! hahahahahaha... aku pelik.. tp bila aku nimbanggg.. turun 1 KILO jakkkk.... waaaa..sik kan la lose 1 kg make a difference... mun 5 kg? 10 kg? 20 KG??? kachak lah nak.. (berangan)..
minggu tok pun bz aku...
malam isok(selasa).. rakaman raya anuar zain kat plaza alam sentral (harussss..)
rabu ....kuar ngan kiky..(mun nya igt gik!)..
sabtu.. singing workshop (ehem2... tp nya nyuruh mbak lagu tradisional indah klak..mati!)
ahad... dayang nurfaizah showcase (tok KIV la)...
ya setakat tok la... bz sik ... hehehe... ya bok namanya appreciate final year mena2!..
tp,, walaupun byk gago ngan benda2 ya.. study comes first.. walaupun badan ku di redbox, palak ku still kat kelas.. walaupun berentam sup gearbox,, palak ku still berpusin mike final year project... my aim is getting higher and higher.. inshaAllah.. yang penting kita igt Allah sentiasa ngan kita.. keep your feet on the ground... enjoy2 la.. it's such a waste if you dont appreciate your teenage life.. as long as you remember God and practice prioritization.. inshaAllah ok... and it's a big responsibility if i don't practice what i say here... if last sems 'cut off'..now 'WALK THE TALK'.. i remember that cuz!
diat muka ku ngirup sum sum gearbox lok.. happy fat guy.
I have 4 big missions this holiday.. it needs lots of sacrifice.. that includes my time with my friends.. i mean, the really good friends.. I choose to appreciate my limited free time by confronting with my mum while massaging her foot, guys talking with my dad as well as choking myself with his poof poof cigars smoke, karaoke sha la la at home, google-ing and glee-ing. That's it. By the way, I reserve the last 1 week of holiday to berfoya2 puas2.. hehe.. So Kiky you still have 5 weeks to practice on your intolerable deaf tone vocal... hahahahaha... guro jak bah! I missed this only (official) cousin.. yajak nya tok bz sik abis2.. mun sik bz, sora sakit.. huh.. very the "audi-mengarey' one.. ngeee.. klah, I told ya, i have missions to accomplish. Da!
Penattt!!!... today's practical started lame and ended oh-damn-penat... dengan muka konfiden i acted like an engineer of which in my heart cryinggg (can you recall miss emma pillsburry crying in the car while singing celine's all by myself)... and u know what motivates me whenever i am in such situations? ill visualize myself as andy sachs, how determined she was whenever the devilish miranda assigned her with piles of tasks... it works! u shud try.. hehe.. my hand's shaking.. i need carbs!..
Today will be my 1st day of industrial training. I don't feel like going to work. Err.. wait.. (a spasm of enthusiasm) I am excited! ..yes excited.. my initial intention for this posting is to express my ..err what kind of feeling uh (some kind of negative feeling) it's ironic that i suddenly forget about it.. .. serious... it happened so fast just before i begin to type, my mother suddenly called me just now and she asked me to do something, her order, and pooff it seems like my negative aura disappeared!.. cool!!!!!!!!!!!!... wohoo... ok let's me start my first day of practical with a biggg heart, hugeee mind and wideeee smile! to all my friends, all the best!
mmm... my hand is actually trembling, i'm slightly shivering. i am not sure whether i should proceed this blogging thingy. mmm... there are reasons why i'm kind of hesitate errr mmm i'm totally LOST!
ok... 1st thing 1st.. so far.. I'm good.. really good. baru abis cover maths becos tomorrow i got maths test 2.. the topics covered quiet susah.. woooorrrrieed because i was doing a bit well for test 1, able to make the lecturer smile. now, i'm kinda worried that i would end up with frustration for this test 2. mmm.. inshaAllah and hopefully boleh lah! TOMO BOLEH! hehehe..edeh...
mm... the reason why i'm afraid of blogging lately is that i'm not sure whether telling my condition, what am i doing yada3 really a good idea. nowadays, i prefer to be introvert. i rather keep things to myself. sekarangg,, saya sudah tidak peduli cakap org lain.. i mean cakap2 yg berbaur negatif la (now suddenly my cousin kiky appears in my mind.)... i have one habit.. good habit i guess... i love to observe people behaviour.. (naaa,, i dont curik your words aaa.. it does happen to me too..haha!)... whenever people try to distract me, annoy me and sewaktu dgnnya, i will keep my mouth shut, listen and just watch their very funny behaviour... it is as if i'm watching raja lawak.. aih! raja lawak indah... the climax is when they realize that their distractions are not menjadi because i dont respond and stay intact...hahahahah.. afew secs afta dat, i simply chow with a grin in my face.. hoho... eff you!.. lam hati la.. ngehhh..
now i dont have to pretend to be somebody else, pretend that i'm happy of which sebenarnya i'm not, im comfortable with my current friends, they allow me to be myself... i can do whatever i like to do, tanpa ada mata mata yang menyibuk... hehhe... i really hope that im istiqomah this time.. edeh... errr..wait.. now i start to be really worried.. afta telling you all this stuffs.. will everything be the same afta this few secs?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa... nauzubillahhiminzalik.
"It's not the time for us to find another true friend anymore.. we already have ones" - Dina
"Don't cry over spill milk.. Buck up!" - Miss Siti Rafizah
"Cut-off!!!" - Kiky
"Pa ko ingat dunia tok perfect ka??" - Hj. Asri
"Bila gik nak start enjin turbo tek" - Bapak
"Kawan rami mun time tetak nang la best.. tp bila kita susah ada sidak nak nuli kita?" (brilliant question) - Aunty Bedot
"Set your target. One reason why you lose track is because you dont have target" - Arif
"I believe you have solutions for your problem.. and you know what you're doing" - Iman
"So be it!" - Kiky
"Ko kurus ko dirik ko.. jaga ko kulit ko.. jadi pandey" - Su Wet
"jgn sesekali kita jd pendengki" - Aunty Nani
"Saya sentiasa selalu berdoa semoga awak berjaya cemerlang dalam pelajaran mo" - Adie
O I could not stand these tears anymore.. this is like the most emotional entry I've ever wrote. I feel stupid how could i don't realize the existence of those people in my life. For some reason I should be grateful to have beautiful life. Ya Allah... rasa bok bangun dr koma setaun. One moment i never forget was the day I told my parents about my bad result. they were so calm, strong and yohhh nang ditapok nya la rasa kecewa ya... they didnt even yell at me.. mak madah "ok what past is past.. lupakan... n now you hv to start afresh.. mak n bapak dah polah sehabis mungkin utk pelajaran ktk org.. cuma ktk org jak menentukan segala... masa kamek org dah berlalu...mek org sekda ninggal papa selain ilmu k ktk org survive".. and aku sikpat tahan bila adie nanyak brp result aku sbb mlm2 sblm ya nya dah berdoa mena2 k aku.. last2 apa aku dapat?... nang sikpat ku lupak muka nya blur.. aihhhh jaik ati... udah2.. jgn nangis2.. you are a man tomo.. you are a strong man.. tp, nektok nang la aku berazam kuat... tp aku takut sejauh ney nya bertahan... Ya Allah... fobia eh... trauma pun ada... udah2.. idong ku tersumbat dah tok... dahh