This is a blog of a boy who prioritizes education in his life...
I really want to score all papers this semester. Despite of so many obstacles, sometimes I realize I should cherish this very moment as it is only less than half year left to graduation. I do not want to be regret for not striving my very best because the one that is fixed will be my transcript. Remain unalterable. Not fb(cliche), not my pimples, not even the karaoke microphone(hehe). Of course I want my transcript to have more than 90% As! At the time being, I need to be realistic that my first page of transcript will be effing horrible! C grade somehow irritates my eyes what more to say my heart honayy. The next page? disco superfly! weee.. inshaAllah. So, I want to cherish this moment by studying, memorizing and eating (aik?)...escapism.. hehe bye.
a few of my friends started complaining my weight gain... some said i look like gummy bears.. when i walk, my bulging fat seems dancing with me...so, yesterday i went jogging.. half and hours only.. today i did not..... my muscles need rest... but my stomach was screaming for chocolate.. plus, i feel that eating is the only medium for me to enjoy life..i succumbed to temptations and bought 2 bars of chocolate. enuff said.
*is currently snacking cadbury picnic..
**i will try to eat in moderation next time.. yes until i see foods like shit.. not before i see you like cheeseburger..
I have an unpleasant feeling now.. feelings of insecurity, anger.oh sucks.. yes i know that writing such post shows how lame am I.. it is not a manly thing to show weaknesses to the public but as a normal human being i do have feeling to take care of. i have this one weakness that i really don't like and i personally think that this kind of weakness is not necessary to me. i'm very fragile when it comes to a relationship. i might look friendly,but to be closed to me, to get to know my personal life is not that easy. Ok fullstop. that is not the core of the issue. the issue now is i have a behavior of getting freak out when i see my friends compromising with someone that i don't like. even if it only involves a small matter like borrowing eraser, ill be freaking out so badly.. what more if they talk posting comments on fb lepak in mamak!.. there you go, i'll create dramas and this world will be effing chaos...ahh.. sounds lame right?? and just now, the same situation happened. by the way, this time i stayed calm and in control. but my heart was like beating so rapidly i couldnt tolerate then i asked my friend "if you were me, will you show your jealousy to your another friend yada3..." and he simply replied "tak. aku x amik pusing pun.pergi mampos la".. oh, that easy huh? then i texted my female friend asking the same question and she replied almost the same! she said it is not worth me and my family at all so why should i care? betul jugak... my degree of freakness was slowly plummeting then... oh good.. good to have a friend who has a lil bit sense of denial... palak simple org s'wak madah... and now i'm posting this blog. rasa2 korunk I dah get rid of it ka belom? -.-
so it's literally been a tiring question to answer as i would reply with a very long explanation. I ain't no ordinary person with extraordinary target. For instance, If someone would answer.
A. Kerja. Most of ppl tend to aim for high-paid job, high class position with high level of standard of living. That would include high profile lifestyle. Luxurious cars, house, no more kopi cap kapal api.. teh wangi seringgit 2.. they are right.. no wrong.. as it is all about choices..
For me, personally, i rather opt for a more reserved life after this. I just can't wait to go to work, earn a lil money for a start, save then enjoy as long as it does not exceed my capabilities... I missed my home... I want to get back living in my home of which i think more relaxing.. that is so me.. doing what ive been dreaming before this like going to music class, working out without worrying with piles of assignments on my small table. I believe... i really believe that this would be my last chance to appreciate scenario like that because as i turn 30s, no more such things as my mentality should be more matured.. plus, my parents get older. they have been raising me up for 24 years without any failure so what should i give in return? this is the time to give back.. One day they will go, and i don't want to be regret for not able to give back in return. After they go, thennn i'd consider what i should do next my way... i still have a long way to go (inshaAllah).. so for the time being, let me fulfill what they want, what they love. I don't agree the idea that the parents have been sacrificing a lot for their children, succeed in developing their children as a success 'somebody'... but towards the end, their so-called success children simply work far away neglecting their(parents) welfare. That's not a FAIR investment!.. parents brought us up to be a successful person, mentally and EMOTIONALLY, so that we could give something in return.. That 'something in return' could be strong personality and intelligence of which "being grateful, give and take" quality counted in!
Yes i do have big dreams like working in high class company like Sime Darby, pursuing my master at Imperial College yada3... but i really need to hold that for a while to give way for matters mentioned earlier... We people could die anytime, if I die young, I rather die not doing something I love but being blessed by my parents than die doing I love w/o being blessed by my parents. Most ppl believe life afta death, soO, why not we aim for higher target that is eternal? remember, God will not bless us until our parents bless us first..
Look, a long explanation right. You might wonder, what is the purpose of me saying all this stuff. The long explanation is the answer for the following possible questions;
"Why do you choose to work in Kuching?"
"Why do you choose to live in suburb?"
"Why do you choose to work first as the opportunity to pursue your master is wide open?"