Friday, June 19, 2009

Cerita Memalukan

Aku nak madah.. aku malu berkawan ngn...


sbb nya *gemok*

yajak... p/s try to read between the line

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

choke of failure

i don't really wanna talk about this.. i try to be calm.. as if nothing happens.. as if everything is gonna be alright.. as if the problems will be resolved on its own no matter how bad it is...

but sometimes i realize, how long i have to deny every problems that come to me.. how long i have to rationalize things without actually work on it.. and how long i have to stay like this??

i remember once i used to be a well-motivated tomo... the one who always takes problems as challenges.. the one who always thinks positive.. the one who always move forward.. always eager to help, encourage, inspire with good words and spread positive aura to his friends, family, ppl. pls dont get me wrong.. im not trying to angkat my own bakul, im not saying that im that type, but i always WANTED TO BE that type of person.. pls.. dont get me wrong.

now everything is different.. i have changed a lot... and i dislike this situation..
i couldn't rationalize things better, i couldnt tolerate with any circumstances that come to me, i couldnt focus to the goal that i want to achieve...

simple example... the driving class... before this, when i do things, i am always full of enthusiasm.. and always end up with a good result.. the process was easy and clear. it's rarely happen to me that i fail of anything that i do.. now it's different.. during the driving class., i often fail to get through the titi part.. it sounds simple but i bet you it wasn't as easy as what u thought. look! im even sounded negatively in my writings!!! why not i say "even though it looks hard, sooner or later you can do it if u put more effort on it" instead of what i have said to you just recently.. f*ck off!.. ( and i swear a lot too now)..

consequently, i am now trying to find a peaceful state of mind as i am sick of failure already.. a few hours to go, the result of sem 1 will be out.. again.. i have to face more and more failures.. gosh.. im sooo failure-phobic..

List of Failures:
1. I fail a lot in my previous study

2. I fail to manage my money wisely where now im totally broke in return

3. I fail to win my friend's emotion and now i feel like im losing them one by one.

4. I fail to lose weight. This is a serious matter. For the sake of my mum.

5. I fail to convince my parents that im STILL a good son and now my parents seems neglecting me and tired of preaching too much like "tomo! gi semayang!" "tomo! jgn ngandor! "tomo! pergi cycling". Now, after we went back from kl for convo, i never heard of them shouting like that anymore. Is that a good sign?

6. I fail to pass the titi part . again n again.


I can't stand it anymore..

all i can do is pray to GOD, longing for HIS hidayah.. and I want to be better.. a lil bit..

at least

tuka ajaklah nama jadi Amirufail bin Shafiee.. the 'dean' seems not workable anymore.