Apology (read this pls)

(to all my friends, pls spare some time to read this..this is specially dedicated for you)

the other day, i decided to stop posting any blog bcz i believe it is time for me to be a lil bit reserve, laid back and having the quality time to the fullest. yes, i really had so much fun lately and enjoyed doing things that i really wanted to do. despite of so many nonsensical stories i heard out there, be it about me or some depressing life stories of ppl that has nothing to do with me but it by the way might give a minute impact to our life. i aint blaming them as their stories, if taken positively capture a mutual scenario that happens in everyone's life. everyone will have problems, everyone will have happy moments, everyone deserves to love and to be loved, everyone needs space for their own. for simplicity's sake, we are equal. however, in my opinion what differentiates us among others is whether it is worth-doing or not. chop. i shall stop as it has come to this point. you must have different definition of 'worth-doing' and so do i. this morning as usual i woke up at 5.30 am. everything was fine til 7.30 am. i wonder after that very few sec, everything seemed wrong. dislike it. it was so unlike the usual days. ironically, every false moments that ive been thru' as if telling me a message that "haaa..what has happened is similar to the ones that u've done to this person'.. the message loops from one incident to another but with different persons. so none in particular, fyi. i couldn't stand as it kept thrusting my small head. i immediately inhale a breath of exasperation. astagfirullahalazim. ive read this one typical but meaningful thought somewhere and it stuck in my head up til now. those who have sinned should repent and seek for Allah's forgiveness. however, i should seek for ppl's forgiveness before Allah would forgive me (when it comes to human-to-human sin). due to this reason i should by now beg some apology if ever i did wrong to you. as far as i remember it could be due to below reasons: (one of these sorrys could be for you none-in-particular)

1. I'm sorry if i always come to you with piles of trouble and seek for your advices. I'd be fine after listening to your advice. but after a few steps away, i go back doing the same mistakes. then i'd come to you again babbling of some mundane problems. again you never give up giving me advices. perhaps you've never shown that you're actually sick of it yet i knew it does make you sick. i really2 thank you for your endless support and advice dear. appreciate it. I'm sorry for burdening your ears.

2. I'm sorry if ever i've promised you something but i didn't keep to my words. i'm not trying to be defensive but i did make an effort to fulfill my promises but maybe due to a few factors, i ended up disobeying it. InshaAllah i try to fulfill it in the near future. I'm sorry.

3. I'm sorry if i ever spoiled any of your relationship by fitting in you guys friendships with any person. i might be the factor you aint that close anymore to your friend. i make friend with anyone and i treat them as nice as how i treat you, equally. in fact, i could treat you more nicely than the 'bestfriend' that you thought i 'rampas' them from you. no. no such thing as 'rampas'. you can get 'em back anytime you want. twist it, i could want you more than i want them. you just dont realise that. I'm sorry.

4. This one is so obvious to whom it may be. I'm sorry if you think I poured sheep shit to your currently break-up pot. there are hearsay i worsen you guys so-called break up hurdles. trust me, eversince you guys tied the knot being the loving birds, i tried not to interfere for the sake of our own good. i stray away from being your roommate to find another peace of mind is one effort how i really want to preserve our friendship. but ironically, despite of all the silent efforts i have done, the ending seems not paid off. Now, if you want me to stay away from your ex-girlfriend, i will. only if that makes you forgive me. I'm sorry former roommate.

5. I'm sorry if ever we used to be that close (not necessarily being a closefriend as long as it is that close) and after several months of being very close, i leave you 'bulat2'. i leave you with question marks.. of which might lead you to being paranoid. this has happened to not only one person, but many persons in my life. i myself don't get the idea why i become like this. i treated you ultimately nice, behaving so sweetly until it rang ppl's misunderstanding alarm and poof! i left you right there. finding someone else and did the same thing to them. i have reasons for that and can we just simply forget about it?. again im sorry my nice friend.

6. I'm sorry if i make friend with your enemy. i'm risking myself to be in this situation. i know. respect your respect towards me, i tried my best to zip my lips from getting into you guys problem. it's so none of my business. what matters is my friendship with you and your enemy. please, if possible i'm not interested to be his/her enemy's enemy. get it? again i'm sorry.

7. it could be other reasons but i could not squeeze my head anymore (fuhh..). if so, i'm sorry for any mistakes that i've done. sorry.


regards,
tomo