Yoyo feeling

yes..i am still battling with the darker identity of me. the one who tends to dig every old trashes that ive burried long time ago and it now begins to contaminate the whiter identity that ive worked so hard to establish it. n im sick of concealing the skull and pretending by telling ppl that my wardrobe contains a bunch of lilies where as a matter of fact..uhh..oww..no.. i don't think i have to proceed with that..

pls dont get me wrong... i aint a villain yet not a pixie... for those who are close to me, they do know what i mean..if it happens i die early, don't bother to make an autobiography of me, don't even entertain those ppl who wanted to make tribute of me..edeh..rasa primadona sa!

btw, my progress =

loading....

75% calm n subtle
15% workhard towards my study
8% happy
2% of H6N6 (a dangerous virus mutated from a combination of human n seladang!)

i up till now couldn't discover vaccin for that ..


i should stop by now!!!!

otherwise ill go overboard babbling about seladang!

Moon, Tell em' I Miss Them

I feel insecure now..

I need my Family to look after me (because i love when they still treat me like a child)...


I crave and feel like eating mee kolok n nescafe peng so badly..

I need Mijie to drive me to satok n listen to me babbling all over the way..


I need someone who is rational enuff to be my 'psychiatrist' n to listen to me singing out loud..

therefore, i need Kiky pls pls pls?




I Love You All...

Stupid

I hate being stupid..

I used to be stupid..

I don't want to be stupid again...

but now that stupid seems to haunt me again...

pls stupid go go away..

i should stop doing stupid things..

so that i won't be stupid.. yet again..





only if i can shoo that stupid animal

rerama in my tummy

salam

currently my family and i are in plaza premium lounge, changi airport. waiting for our flight which will be at 12.50p.m experiencing the beautiful view of the singapore airport and the airplane takes off while sipping hot tea. this lounge provides a lot of entertainment like jam studio, movie theatre yada yada yada but itu semua tidak menarik minat saya. this is due to d reason that rerama spread its wings beautifully in my awful belly. i cant wait to see mekkah. i cant wait to berdoa and my doa list seems to become more bykkk.. i have about 118 doas to say. to all my friends who have requested their doa, dont worry ill try my best to 'email' it to GOD. all you can do is just pray out there so dat i can beribadah dalam tenang.

back to my umrah updates, the journey to jeddah will take about 12 hours time which means we're expected to arrive at 12 midnight m'sia time. before that we will transit at abu dhabi for 45 mins to reload the petrol. sampai sini sahaja.. insyaAllah if there are internet access there in makkah insyaAllah i will do some updates. otherwise, just wait till i be back in kuching in july 31st.

bye2.. tchuss!

salam.

Umrah

in a few hours time, ill be off to do umrah.. oleh itu, saya harus menjaga tingkah laku, pandangan dan suma la.. phm2la.. hehe...

saya ingin memohon maaf dan ampun kepada semua sekiranya saya ada membuat salah dgn anda semua.. saya mohon restu supaya dipermudahkan untuk beribadah sesampai di tanah suci kelak..


fuhh.. nabes.

YabedabedooOO

Mulut ku tersenyum lebar tak henti2 sambil tangan ku ketap ketup ketap ketup menaip dengan penuh mengada2 walaupun badan ku lenguh seiring dgn kakiku yang dah mcm nak tertanggal palak tut.. aku gagahi jua untuk menaip kerana aku mempunyai satu berita gembira untuk disampaikan...

dengan penuh bangga nya aku mengumumkan... drum roll plss...

aku telah LULUS ujian memandu motosikal!!!!!!

ini adlah ujian aku yg kedua selepas aku gagal dlm ujian pertama minggu lepas... muka ku merut seribu bahasa semenjak hari tersebut... pg ini aku bgn dgn tiada perasaan.. sesampai ke tempat ujian. masih.. tiada perasaan.. tunggu. tunggu dan terus menunggu.. tibalah masa untk ujian.. hati ku mula nabes.. kuang kuit masuk jamban (sorii.. saya mencampuradukkn bhs melayu dgn s'wak bg menghasilkan mood yg lebih dramatik).. palak tut aku bergegar.. nang semakei juak rasa palak tut saya.. tunggu dan terus menunggu.. AMIRUDEAN BIN SHAFIEE!!! JPJ itu menunggah nama ku dgn penuh lagak, eksen dan sabest..

dgn penuh stail aku... vroOM vroom vroOOmmm...
signal light kiri? checked!
signal light kanan? checked!
lampu depan n blkg? checked!
AMIRRRR.. JALANNN!!!.. aku tersentap dgn teraisan jpj..
maka aku terus jalann..

pusingan lapan (8)... slow.. slow...
steadaaYYY!!

selepas itu.. skrew palak tut makin goyah.. (ref: palak tut = kepala lutut!!)
tibala saat2 paling puaka...

TITI! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA...
jpj itu memastikan nama aku.. kitak amirudean nak??..
ok JALAN!
dgn lafaz bismillah.. aku mengatur bontot ku yang besar.. pastikan perut ku yg boroi in position supaya tidak menganggu keseimbangan moto ku.. mata ku yg rabun ku buka celang2,...
brepp brepp broommmm...
pap! naik atas titi,,,
steadayyy.. sampai ke tengah2 titi...
tiba2 aku hilang kawalan... moto aku statik seketika! nafas aku terhenti... suasana pun tetiba terhenti spt dlm cerita the matrix.. aku hanya dpt rskn jantungku berdetak detup..
aku naBes!!!.. dgn penuh pro aku mengawal.. aku risau terlalu lama berhenti boleh memungkinkan aku untuk jatuh.. kalo terpress lebih, juga boleh jatuh...
aku bermain dgn mantra.. HOLD TOMO HOLD!!!! (aku terigt kata2 kazen ku.. kak senduk 2).. aku motivasikan lagi dgn IM NOT GONNA FALL THIS 3x!!.. aku mengawal sambil mengoyang2kan handle dan rupa ku seolah2 berjoget diatas titi tu.. lebih2 lagi dgn adanya bonjolan lemak.. lagi mencantikkan gerak tari joget ku.. selepas aku berjoget sepenuh hati, aku hampir ke hujung titi.. aku bertambah konfiden.. dan.. yessS! lepas!!! aku akhiri acara titi gimnastik tersebut dengan lenggangan bontot ala2 poyo.. edeh.. aku gai..

aku sgt gembiraaa... alhamdulillah.. aku melepasi halangan2 seterusnya dgn ilek dan steaday!

yahooooOOOoooo....

sudah 3 minggu muka ku mencuka dek asyik terfikirkan masalah moto... hoho.. skrg aku sgt gembira.. moto pun sudah dibeli dan sedang menunggu ku di pusat komersil shah alam.. i can't wait to see my baby! hoho...


so now im officially a rider... terima kasih kepada semua..

ok.. sampai sini sahaja..

neutral.. gear 1.. gear 2.. VROOOOMMM!!!

siapa nak tumpang ANGKAT TANGAN!!!

Cerita Memalukan

Aku nak madah.. aku malu berkawan ngn...


ANNE!!!

sbb nya *gemok*



yajak... p/s try to read between the line

choke of failure

i don't really wanna talk about this.. i try to be calm.. as if nothing happens.. as if everything is gonna be alright.. as if the problems will be resolved on its own no matter how bad it is...

but sometimes i realize, how long i have to deny every problems that come to me.. how long i have to rationalize things without actually work on it.. and how long i have to stay like this??

i remember once i used to be a well-motivated tomo... the one who always takes problems as challenges.. the one who always thinks positive.. the one who always move forward.. always eager to help, encourage, inspire with good words and spread positive aura to his friends, family, ppl. pls dont get me wrong.. im not trying to angkat my own bakul, im not saying that im that type, but i always WANTED TO BE that type of person.. pls.. dont get me wrong.

now everything is different.. i have changed a lot... and i dislike this situation..
i couldn't rationalize things better, i couldnt tolerate with any circumstances that come to me, i couldnt focus to the goal that i want to achieve...

simple example... the driving class... before this, when i do things, i am always full of enthusiasm.. and always end up with a good result.. the process was easy and clear. it's rarely happen to me that i fail of anything that i do.. now it's different.. during the driving class., i often fail to get through the titi part.. it sounds simple but i bet you it wasn't as easy as what u thought. look! im even sounded negatively in my writings!!! why not i say "even though it looks hard, sooner or later you can do it if u put more effort on it" instead of what i have said to you just recently.. f*ck off!.. ( and i swear a lot too now)..

consequently, i am now trying to find a peaceful state of mind as i am sick of failure already.. a few hours to go, the result of sem 1 will be out.. again.. i have to face more and more failures.. gosh.. im sooo failure-phobic..

List of Failures:
1. I fail a lot in my previous study

2. I fail to manage my money wisely where now im totally broke in return

3. I fail to win my friend's emotion and now i feel like im losing them one by one.

4. I fail to lose weight. This is a serious matter. For the sake of my mum.

5. I fail to convince my parents that im STILL a good son and now my parents seems neglecting me and tired of preaching too much like "tomo! gi semayang!" "tomo! jgn ngandor! "tomo! pergi cycling". Now, after we went back from kl for convo, i never heard of them shouting like that anymore. Is that a good sign?

6. I fail to pass the titi part . again n again.

7. finally, I FAIL TO OVERCOME THOSE FAILURES!

I can't stand it anymore..

all i can do is pray to GOD, longing for HIS hidayah.. and I want to be better.. a lil bit..


at least.

tuka ajaklah nama jadi Amirufail bin Shafiee.. the 'dean' seems not workable anymore.